Please Try Again Later

A talk so beautiful, broken up in static, pieces come through the speaker, lightning-electrical-cyclical-musical how do you breathe with words like this? Must have forgotten respiration but can't forget your stories, your skin, your smile. Just want to hold you till both our worries float away but I've failed to remember how the pieces go, just break them and edit for best fit, you and me, your pain, my pain, everything will be all right soon. Chest still heaves randomly, tears in eyes while opening mail, buying shampoo, walking up stairs. So long were my words wrung from my throat, words that might have made my wishes known; now I can't find ways to say them. Wasn't looking for trouble, just borrowed it and it's overdue, letter in the mail but can't picture where I left it, right it please. Pretty please, pontificate what my ears hear and my thoughts mind, teach me ways of life along my lostness voyage. I'm losing that way slowly so I run, no socks, pray to dissolve in the cold and want to fuse to the sidewalk beneath me, ice and concrete nothingness. Run in the street, pray to absorb the impact of reality telling me it's a-ok to be alive but no more after this. How do I empty my head of this, turn sideways and shake? Convulsions, I'm wretching love out, out stomach, keep this thought from hitting bottom, keep me from falling apart. Who wants to watch over me, hide me from my poor intentions, hear me in all my troubles, protect me from fears and sticks, love me from toes up? Barren candidate pool, I'm unruly, unbelievable, unrelenting revisitations of nightmares -- they leave only through mouths. Hunting, people love the chase, the challenge but not the catch, want mystery and no truth, want to hunt in the sanctuary, shoot this bird down, take what they want to the taxidermist and throw the rest away. They want for better, not for worse; I only know for worse, just put a smile on my face and you've changed my world. That isn't too hard, is it? Can't help how I'm messed up, want love but can't make it whole yet. Gotta wait till I shed my skin again, gotta wait till the cage door opens, gotta wait till the sun comes up once more, gotta wait until my head heals.

Neighbors

When I buy my first house I'm planting bamboo everywhere. Fuck the neighbors.

Spiraling so desperatelyResultant from your discontentI wish to not have hurt so deepI didn't want these scarsMy self-respect was shatteredThe shards defied repairI wanted everything for youI gave it willinglySo desolate, my bitternessExtends through every breath I takeYour cancer lies within my eyeAffected my perceptionA preacher of such high idealsFalse prophet is your fateYour tongue that stung, your hands that wrungThe spirit out of meI cry because I'm wrought with doubtYour plantings of ineptitudeSo many years of turbulenceUngrounded fear of failureYou said I had no fault in thisYou beg to have forgivenessForgiveness goes to me aloneI wished you'd lose your rageI pray for unrelenting hopeI hope for newfound clarityI clarify my own misdeedsAs petty, insignificantNow free from past transgressionsNew, gentle hands support meI'm broken still, I hope you knowHe hates to see me cryHis patience is so beautifulProtects my fragile self-respectNo longer do I fear myselfMy new strength's inspirationI crawled away from you that dayA crippled girl that hoped to healI've nursed my wounds, and smile againI'm free, I'm safe, I'm stronger.